Third time. Almost.

edit: I miscounted, haha. It's been four times I've cried.

My bf brought up that he feels like he hasn't been talking to me enough and asked if he was a good boyfriend. Honestly I don't really know. What makes someone a good boyfriend or a bad boyfriend?

Today we were finally able to vid chat. For 20 mins or so. He kept getting distracted and doing other things while he was talking about his day. Then his dad came in and they had a conversation. Then he finished talking about his day. Then he had to go eat. I waited for him for an hour, then decided to go brush my teeth. When I came back, he had hung up and said another friend wanted to call him. So I waited another hour. When he was done, he said he wanted to sign off to watch a show.

That's when he brought that up. He says he feels bad because he wants to watch a show instead of talking to me. I told him that I'd feel uncomfortable if he was talking to me just because he felt bad. He quickly denied it and said he does enjoy talking to me, but he just needs a lot of time to talk to me. But... isn't something better than nothing? I feel like we haven't been talking to each other much at all these past few days.

He can't text me at school either because there's no service. He said he could IM me on Google, but then he said he had a lot of friends in his classes so he doesn't want to be an ass and ignore them. But it's okay to be an ass to me? .-.

He also said that he was really worried about losing me. Really...? I'm starting to feel like he just doesn't want to lose me because he likes the idea of having a girlfriend. I mean, before we started dating, he seemed almost like he was obsessed with falling in love. Does he only love me because I'm the only one who said yes to a relationship rather than for who I am as a person...?

He asked if I felt resentful. I didn't answer. But... I feel like I am. I'm really starting to question this relationship. I feel like my feelings are slowly fading out. Today when we video-chatted, I didn't feel happy. I just felt kind of... bummed out. Am I falling out of love?

I should've trusted my gut instinct from the start. I never should've said yes. Then at least we could maintain a friendship. I think if we broke up now, things would just be really awkward. But I don't want to suggest a breakup either. I don't know why. Do I feel guilty? Am I just being selfish? I don't know.

I guess I'll update how it's going soon.