Today I snapped at my boyfriend over Girl X. All the incidents just built up and snowballed until I finally couldn't take it anymore. He didn't do anything recently so I probably just looked crazy.
I finally asked him why he told Girl X "You're sweet. I like you.". He doesn't remember. Then he said he meant he just likes her as a friend. He seemed mad. I told him it was still weird to say that. He said he didn't think it was.
I asked him why he listens to everything Girl X says even though he disagrees when I tell him the exact same thing. He says it's only because it's two opinions versus one. I don't know if I believe him. How can someone immediately switch opinions when they were so adamant in the first place? He even got mad at me for it. But he doesn't get mad at Girl X. He listens to her.
He never put up a front around her. A while ago, I asked him if he's noticed that he has changed a lot since we've started dating (he used to be sweet and reassure me whenever I was mad at myself. Now he just gets mad). He said it was because he wasn't bothered with keeping up a good impression anymore. Is his love for me even real if he couldn't even be himself around me at the start? I just asked him about this and he was just being extra attentive to being nice and that he did it to the previous two girls he has liked too.
I wish that whenever I get jealous, he would reassure me with sweet words and tell me I'm the only one he loves. He didn't do that today and he sounded angry. I felt like he didn't care about me or about how I felt. I asked him to do that next time and he said okay, so hopefully he will.
I'm exhausted from crying so much today. I guess all my pent-up frustration blew off today. I still feel a small spurge of anger every now and then. I think I'm just angry at myself now. Angry that I showed him my weak side. Angry that he now knows how much power he has over me. Angry that I'm so weak and powerless. Should I even be angry over these things? Being possessive and prideful feels so awful and I don't want to be.
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