Relaxation!

Now with most of my exams out of the way, I'm finally able to relax (at least, for a while)! I still have a lot of art coursework to do, but let's put that aside for now.

Today I had another one of those stupid mini 'arguments' with my 'best friend' because she kept clutching on to the fact that she's always right. People should stop pretending to be something they're not. Anyway, this was what happened:

Me: Your shirt is really similar to (insert a classmate's name)! :o
Friend: *asking another random girl* Is she wearing the same shirt as me?
Random: Nah, she's wearing a sweater. Yours is a cardigan.
Friend: *to me* HAHA! They're not the same shirts!
Me: I didn't say they were the same shirts. I said they were similar.
Friend: Oh. (pause) I didn't say that you said they were the same.
Me: But you said "haha". -_-
Friend: Yeah but I didn't say you said they were the same shirts.

I know that it's probably just a trivial disagreement, but it's ridiculous how she's twisting her words to make herself seem like the one who's right. All she had to say was "Oh okay", then we could just forget about it and carry on with another topic. But no, she just had to drag it on.

A few days ago, there was another girl in my class who was talking to my 'best friend' about some maths project they had to do. The girl was asking my 'best friend' for help, but she wasn't really helping her much at all. Then the girl got really stressed out from the project and started crying, then she left the room. She had only left the room for less than a second, and my 'best friend' started laughing at her with other people, saying that the girl wasn't even trying and just sat there complaining about the work.

I really hate how the girl has no idea what my 'best friend' is really like, and I really hate how my 'best friend' badmouths people behind their backs - especially when they did nothing wrong to her.

Once my 'best friend' accused the same girl of copying her designs. The only difference is that my 'best friend' didn't confront her about it and spread rumours behind her back instead. A couple of months ago, my 'best friend' did the same thing to another girl, accusing her of copying her designs when she had never even shown her designs to the girl. Yes, I understand how frustrating it is to have something copy your ideas, but is it really necessary to tell everyone behind their backs, and then pretend to be so friendly afterwards?

Ironically, my 'best friend' herself had stolen my ideas numerous times before. It wasn't fair that other people couldn't copy her, yet she could copy mine. She even copied my personality and each tiny habit I had.

I feel like I'm always ranting about my 'best friend'. Seriously, she's done so much that pisses me off. I admit that sometimes she's nice to me. Mostly when she needs me and has nobody else to rely on. :\

School Updates

I need to learn three pages of French words for a vocabulary test tomorrow. I've copied out all of the words once, so I've probably only rote-learned a small section of it.

I've been ill for the past week and missed a couple of school days. I also have a slight headache right now. x-x

I was supposed to film my fashion advert last Saturday (actually, my 'best friend' was going to film me). I was going to film another one of my friends as my model, but on Friday my 'best friend' decided that she was going to come over to my house the next day, so I didn't have time to ask my model-friend if she's able to come. My mom later told me to cancel the filming because she said it was unreasonable that my 'best friend' wasn't helping me out at all and is only using me as a model for her own advert. I kind of wish I didn't cancel though because it turned out my model-friend could come after all.

Today, my 'best friend' pretty much blamed me because she got told off by the teacher for not having filmed yet (I got told off too, but I didn't complain). Our conversation went something like this:

Friend: You could've told me that you couldn't film on Saturday.
Me: I did.
Friend: Yeah but you could've told me earlier and we could've done it on Sunday.
Me: I have tuition on Sunday, so I wouldn't have been able to do Sunday either.
Friend: Yeah but we could've done it on another day.

What "another day"? There's only two days in a weekend - Saturday and Sunday. My 'best friend' wasn't even willing to film after school on a weekday. At first I was thinking of making her my model instead when I didn't know my original model-friend was coming, but my 'best friend' just refused to dress up and put on makeup (I even offered to put on makeup for her). It's not fair if my advert ends up looking unprofessional and amateur just because she doesn't want to put some time into her presentation.

I really don't think my 'best friend' has the right to complain when she's not even contributing to me or my model-friend's adverts. We could've filmed without her and it would've made no difference, except that it would take less time. My 'best friend' was also being really inconsiderate and wanted to split the filming into two days - one day to film hers, and another day for me and my model-friend to do each other's. My model-friend would have had to come over to my place twice (she lives quite far away), which wouldn't be fair on her especially since she's modeling for my 'best friend' too.

*SIGH*

I got my school report back today. It wasn't great, to be honest. I keep getting Bs in English, but I don't understand how to improve or what I did wrong. I thought I did much better in my English language essay (which was basically analysing articles) compared to last year, but I still got a similar score for some reason. I'd been taking English tuitions the last couple of months, and I really think that my writing style has improved and my tone sounds much more mature, so I don't get why my grade was still the same as last year.

Anyway, I better go back to learning my French now.

School Updates + Pictures

New profile picture! I put on makeup yesterday and did my hair. At first, I was just practising putting on black liquid eyeliner but I ended up going overboard, I guess. I didn't dress up though, hence why my clothes look so casual and bleh. xD Usually when I put on my fringe extension, it ends up looking unnaturally puffy and big-headed, so this time I tied two small ponytails (I'm not sure what they're called - pigtails?) with a part of the fringe in it . That's why there's random tussles of hair sticking out. I'd try cutting the fringe to make it thinner, but I'm scared of making a mistake. D:

As you can see if you look closely: parallel eyelids! :D My left eye still spazzes if I don't put on any eyelid tape for a while, and I'm still trying to get rid of my tapered line.


The last couple of days, a girl in my class (one of my somewhat close friends) was asking multiple people for £10 (around $16?) to buy a birthday present for another friend. She's buying clothes or something for her, but it sounds like a scam. :x Usually when you buy something, it's never a perfect whole number like 100 or 50 - a lot of items always cost a couple of pence/cents more, if you know what I mean. And what is she going to do with the leftover money? Keep it? That's just unfair.

Anyway, the first time she asked me for £10, I didn't give her an answer because someone else started talking to her. A few days later, she asked me again and I told her that I'd have to ask my parents because £10 is a lot of money. She said that I could just bring £5 if I wanted to or even £1, so I said I'd ask.

The next day, I forgot to bring the money (I fell asleep at 8 PM and didn't wake up until next morning). She started raging at me and saying "I TOLD YOU LIKE FOUR TIMES!". No, you didn't. You only told me TWICE - and that's me counting in the first time when I hadn't even agreed to it yet. The girl's birthday was like 2 weeks ago anyway, so it doesn't really make much of a difference if the present is a couple of days more late.  I offered a solution by saying that I could give her £1 for now (which was all that I had at the time) and she could pay the other £4 of my share, and then I'd give her £4 after she has ordered it. She kept saying "WHUT?" and looked like she didn't understand me at all. -__- She later apologised though and said that she didn't mean to nag, so it's okay now. :D

Most of my GCSE science exams are over! I still have a physics one coming up on Monday. I did pretty well in my physics ISA (39 out of 40!), so maybe physics really is my ace science after all - touch wood!

My thighs hurt so much from PE today. I was using this cycling machine in the school mini-gym. After pedaling for 5 minutes or so, I changed the programme so that it's recording my heart rate (it was on how many fats I burnt at first). I entered my age, and the machine said that my target heart rate is 164. I pressed enter to start and began pedaling, but less than 10 seconds later, the machine said: "Target heart rate reached!" Turned out that my heart rate was already 180. :x This is probably why I manage to stay thin without exercising - I bet my heart rate goes up to like 150 if I'm just going up the stairs or something. So unfit. =_=

Double Eyelids

Happy Chinese New Year (tomorrow, anyway)!

I've been thinking about making a new blog based on fashion, makeup and reviews. I'll still be keeping and writing in this blog, but this one will be centered around my personal life. I'll probably make my new blog once I get my own camera, so that people in my family wouldn't be randomly looking through it.

I have three important science exams coming up this week. I'm still not prepared for any of it! I should really be studying right now.


And now onto the main topic of this post - my tapered double eyelids are now parallel! :D My left eye has been switching between parallel and tapered lately, so I decided not to fight it and just make both eyes parallel. I quite like parallel eyelids - I always see gyarus and Asian makeup gurus with them, and it looks makes them look so cute and doe-eyed. They made my eyes look bigger and I like how I look with them more than I did with tapered eyelids. On the down side, my tapered lines are still visible, so it made my eyes look a bit weird. :x

I drew a picture to show you what I mean (sorry about the rubbishness xD):

Basically, both of the lines are visible. I'm planning on sticking eyelid tape over the tapered line so that it would eventually fade, and then stick another tape slightly above that to outline the parallel line. I don't know it'll work. x-x


Anyway, school finally starts tomorrow after two weeks of study leave and exams. I really liked study leave - you only go to school to take the exams, and stay at home for the rest of the day if you don't have any. It's so much more productive to learn at home, in my opinion, since you can skip ahead of everyone if the material's a bit too easy for you.

I think I'm supposed to write an essay due in tomorrow morning, but I'm too lazy. I asked someone in my class and she said that no one seems to have done it, so I'm going to trust what she said.

It's only 10:30 PM and I'm already sleepy. I usually sleep at 1-2 AM so this is very early for me. > < I'll just end this here, bye bye~ ♥

Two-Faced

Today while I was waiting to take my French exam, I noticed my 'best friend' talking to a lot of new friends and being conversational. Then I noticed another one of my fake 'friends' hanging out in a small group of people.
I wondered why my 'best friend' seemed to be more sociable than me. I try hard to be a honest and decent person. I help out people who ask for it. I listen to those who aren't given a chance to speak out. I never judge people according to rumours.

Then I realised one thing: they are both two-faced. You know, like the stereotypical annoying bitchy girls you see in some teenage movies? They treat you differently compared to everyone else. They act like best friends with the people they claim to hate. They're exactly like that.

The sad thing is that almost no one else seems to have realised this. Am I just thinking too much? Or maybe it's easier to talk to two-faced people because you'd be able to relate to each other on how much you hate so-and-so. I really want to talk to one of the few friends I somewhat trust about this, but I'm afraid of losing their friendship. What if they end up betraying me? What if they end up thinking that I'm the one who sounds two-faced? I'm really shy and quiet in real life, and I'd probably never go up to someone's face and say that they're two-faced, despite how much I always complain about people badmouthing each other behind their backs.

I'll tell you a couple of stories about those two-faced girls:

There's a girl in my Design&Technology (DT), art and music class for three years. Let's call her River. I never had any friends in those classes, but she'd always pair up with me for any partner works and help me out when I have any questions. I admit that she has asked me to send her my homework a couple of times, but at least she appreciated it. She thanked me for helping her, unlike my 'best friend' and that other fake friend. People have always been badmouthing her, saying how she's just trying to be popular whenever she does something. I never listened to them.

And now that we chose our GCSE options, we were in the same DT class again. I don't know how, but my 'best friend' (also in the same class) began interfering in our friendship. She kept trying to impress River or something, and helped her out with drawings and stuff. But that's not the problem; I usually focus on my work in class anyway. My 'best friend' started telling me that she thought River was stupid and annoying, and all that shit. At first I could understand because River asked me for my homework a lot of times in the past, so it was annoying to some extent (JUST DO YOUR WORK!). Besides, you don't need to like everyone you meet. There was even a time when River copied one of my 'best friend's designs, which was obviously something she shouldn't have done. But then my 'best friend' decided to act all nice and friendly to River, while still bullshitting about her behind her back and telling other people that River copied her design.

I didn't like it. I didn't like how I felt as if River has replaced me with some incompetent faker. I didn't like how she was treating River. I didn't like how River was completely clueless.

My 'best friend' also keeps ditching me aside whenever there's "better" people around. She thinks now that I'm her "friend", I was like a piece of property that she can just keep. Suddenly, it's okay to treat me like dirt because I'm her "belonging". I'm sure that is what's going through her head subconsciously.

Whenever I'm sitting next to someone else or talking to them, she starts interrupting and telling me to move over, even though there's plenty of space on my other side. It's like she just wants to cut off all of my potential friendships. I can just feel myself getting angrier just typing this. Why am I so useless? Why do I let myself be thrown around like trash? I wish I could somehow go back to the past and prevent this from happening. I always included her when I'm having conversations with someone else. I always asked her questions to bring her into our talk, explained to her what's going on and listened to her when no one else did.

So why the hell is she treating me like this? Is it so freaking hard to appreciate it? Is it so hard to return it? Is it so hard to even just acknowledge it?

She's also the one who started the rumour about me being emo. It spread like fucking wildfire across the year. I confess that I had cut myself before because I was going through bouts of depression. I thought that I could talk to her about my problems, but instead, she thought it would make her look so "cool" to share this with everyone. Okay, she only told the other fake friend I mentioned earlier, but that 'friend' decided to tell everyone. I'm pissed at that 'friend' too, but I'm more pissed at my 'best friend' because she's supposed to be someone I could trust.

I just feel so miserable at school when I'm with my own classmates - especially with my 'best friend'. Sometimes I feel better when I talk to the students in other classes because they don't know me as well, so they haven't judged me as deeply. There's one friend I have who makes me smile when we talk, and I tell her things I've never told anyone else. She's coming over to my apartment to film fashion adverts for our CiMedia projects soon. Stupidly, I invited my 'best friend' to come along. I wish I never did. I'm scared of losing my possibly one true friend to her, like how I've already lost several friends.

I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm pathetic.

I know that I've said this numerous times before, but I really just can't wait to go to college and make a new start.