Meh

Ehh, the whole affair thing sort of just dawned on me. It really is such a bad thing, actually. :\ At first I thought it was really hilarious, but now I find it kind of gross. It's true that everyone would be happier once my parents divorce, but thinking about it just feels so eurgh. My mom also noticed that my dad had Botox injections done to get rid of his wrinkles. It's just kind of sad how my dad isn't who he used to be anymore (before he had those crazy fits and all that). He's doing all the things I've never expected him to do. There's nothing wrong with cosmetic surgery - I just never thought he'd do it.

My life is such a mess right now. I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. I don't want even more drama with my 'best friend' and fake friends. I'd rather stay at home and study for 7 hours instead of spending it at school. I hate this.

I really want my parents to divorce as soon as possible. We'd probably be about to move houses and I might be able to get my own room. Then I could decorate it with all the things I like. It would be like a new start. :)

Short entry again. I just don't know where else to rant.

My dad's having an affair.

I swear that my life is destined to have drama.

First I rant about schoolwork, family issues, friendship problems, and now this (I guess it ties closely with family issues, but this is between my parents rather than me personally).

So yes, there you have it. I only found out this afternoon when my mom told me. I'd post more on the details but I wouldn't want my dad reading this somehow. Anyway, is this why my dad has been treating my mom so badly? Because he decided he could throw her away because he found someone else? Or because he wants a divorce but doesn't want to initiate it? I really don't know.

I'm not upset about this, actually, and neither is my mom. On the contrary, we both found it quite funny. I mean, imagine a man in his 50s and he's still able to 'get some' with a woman 20 years younger? Pretty admirable, if you ask me, but also scandalous.

It's a good thing my dad found someone else though. Like my previous entry, my mom talks to me about divorce a lot. I knew that I would choose to live with my mom because of my dad's bipolar and unpredictable personality, but this made me feel uneasy. My dad would be all alone by himself. He'd have to cope with being alone for the rest of his life.

But now that he has another woman, he can just move in with her once my parents divorce. I wouldn't have to feel guilty or worry about how he's getting along. Besides, it's not like I'd never see my dad again if they do separate. We could still talk to each other on the phone, call each other on Skype, arrange to meet, etc. It would really make not that much of a difference, apart from the fact that everyone would be happier.

Everything seems to be working out in my personal life so far. I feel like I'm a step closer to finding happiness. I just need to do well academically, get a decent job, find true friends and find someone who loves me. I don't care about being wealthy (of course, having lots of money is nice but it's not necessary) - just enough to get by would be okay. Life would be good.

Feeling kind of down again.

Another bout of depression, maybe? :c

The weather was really great today - all bright and sunny. I should be happy. But I started thinking about how badly my 'best friend' treats me and it just made me feel like crap. I saw her finished fashion advert and I swear that 70% of it consisted of clips filmed by me, and she gave me no credits for the filming. I'd rant about that but I'm not really in the mood anymore. Oh well, just a couple more months and I could officially distance myself from her. The fact that I have French speaking exams coming up soon and a biology and physics test coming up doesn't help improve my mood either.

Argh, so worried about French. A lot of people have already finished memorising their questions and answers in my class, and I haven't even started yet. It's an official exam so my grade would affect the university I get into. I wish they'd tell us about the exam up to 2 months in advance or something, just as a warning, and the people who want to start preparing can do so if they liked. I only found out the official date of the exam earlier on this week, and the exam's in around 2 weeks or so. There's not enough time to learn so much.

I think I've been having self-esteem issues recently. Today at school I looked at my reflection and I just felt so ugly. My face looked really wide and big, my nose looked so flat, my skin looked terrible, my eyes looked tiny and I looked really stupid with glasses on. Blah. But when I got home and looked in the mirror, my face looked healthy and dewy, my eyes looked big, and my features contrasted nicely with my skin. Wtf?

I guess I have nothing else to say here. I'll try to cheer myself up somehow. Not in the mood for anything though - not even playing around with make-up. ._.

My mom's thinking about a divorce.

I'm not too bothered by it, really. I think if my parents really went through with the divorce, everyone would be happier.

I haven't been blogging recently because I've had a lot of art coursework to do (I handed everything in yesterday) and because of some family issues at home. It's a long story that involves my dad yelling at me for no reason. -__-

Today, my dad told me that my mom is a witch and caused his dad's death, and made up a lot of nonsense. He even implied that one of my mom's sisters who died from cancer put a curse on him when she arranged flowers for them to celebrate their marriage. How nice. ._.

I finally had the time to edit a picture today, but I don't think it wouldn't be appropriate to post it with this entry. Kind of a short entry, but I thought I should keep my life updated here.

Selfishness

Done with the filming for my iMedia fashion advert project! On the down side, a lot of the clips turned out to be really unclear and pixelated after I uploaded it onto iMovie. D: My 'best friend' also took all of the clips I filmed as well. So freakin' annoying. It's even more annoying that I'm the type of person who just can't say no. I made a rant on TinierMe about how demanding and selfish she was being. I'll post it here:

Okay, so two of my friends are coming over to my house tomorrow to film a fashion advert. I'll just call them Girl A and Girl B here.

At first, just Girl B and I were going to film each other, but I invited Girl A because she said she didn't know what to do, where to film, who to film, etc. Big mistake. Girl A is now being SO FREAKING SELFISH. D:<

First, Girl A wanted me to be the model in her advert. Sure, alright. Then Girl A wanted me to ask Girl B is she could also film her. Sure, that's fine too. I'll ask. Then Girl A wanted me to play the role of the "ugly girl". That's okay. I don't mind. I'd feel bad for Girl B if she was made to play that role. I can make a small 'sacrifice' (if you can put it that way) for Girl B because she's a good friend, so I'm willing to accept the 'bad' roles instead of forcing her to do it.

Then Girl A wanted to borrow my camera to film. Okay then. Girl A suddenly said on Friday that she wanted to film the next day so I didn't have enough time to tell Girl B, and we agreed to film each other (Girl B was my original model). But then Girl A refused to put on makeup or dress up to improve her presentation, even when I offered to do the makeup for her. When I told my mom about this, she got angry and said that Girl A was being really unreasonable, so I decided to cancel it (so Girl B could come next time).

Then Girl A blamed me because she got told off by the teacher for not having filmed her advert yet (I got told off too, except that I didn't spaz over it -_-). In a way, it was technically my fault so I didn't rage at her.

Then she wanted to borrow my laptop to edit her advert because she didn't have a movie-making software at home. Starting to cross the line a bit here (I hate having non-family members use my laptop - it has lots of personal pictures on there and stuff), but I guess it's still sort of my fault because we're handing in our adverts right after a week of holidays (starting today), so she can't use the movie editing software at school.
Even though she could have downloaded another movie-editing programme.

The three of us originally agreed that we'd first start filming a scene from mine, then a scene from Girl B's, then a scene from Girl A's, then repeat. The sun sets quickly in the winter, so it would've been unfair for the last person if we had filmed each person's advert one by one. Then Girl A decided that she wanted us to finish filming her advert first, so she can use the rest of the time to edit her video on my laptop while Girl B and I were filming ours. Earlier on the week, she even wanted us to do her advert first, then for me and Girl B to arrange another session to film ours (so Girl A didn't need to come).

...

ISN'T THAT JUST SO PLAIN RUDE AND SELFISH?

I invited Girl A so we can film our adverts together, not so that she can use us and carry on with her own crap when she's done. Sure, it's true that she's not playing a role in me and Girl B's adverts, but this doesn't mean she can just barge into my home and start using my laptop like she owned it. Then she kept saying, "WHAT'S YOUR MOVIE-EDITING PROGRAMME CALLED? DOES IT HAVE TRANSITION EFFECTS? DOES IT SHOW HOW LONG EACH CLIP IS? CAN IT DO THIS AND THAT? GO HOME TODAY AND CHECK. DO YOU HAVE ANY UGLY CLOTHES? I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU'RE UGLY LOL. UGLY CLOTHES LIKE THE KIND OF JEANS THAT HAVE STRAIGHT SIDES, NOT THE SKINNY ONES. DO YOU HAVE A LONG TOP? YOU SHOULD WEAR THE LONG TOP WITH THE STRAIGHT JEANS BECAUSE IT WOULD LOOK BAD. ARE THEY IN CLASHING COLOURS?"

I don't know if she's doing it on purpose (she probably didn't, but still), but once I wore straight jeans with a long top. I didn't know that it was considered as "ugly clothes". :I

There. As you've probably realised, Girl A is my 'best friend'. Here's another diary entry with a continuation of what happened:

Turned out that Girl A didn't use my laptop (only because I told her that it doesn't convert the video into AVI format). She did use my camera though and suggested that the three of us should share the videos we filmed. Unfortunately, Girl B agreed so we went with Girl A's suggestion, but I thought it was the worst idea ever. I don't get why Girl B agreed because this would benefit ONLY Girl A, since my teacher said we're not supposed to feature in our own adverts (we must be modeling for someone else's). D:

I don't want someone to take credit for my filming. I'm not great at filming or anything, but I did come up with the poses for my model Girl B and filmed from effective camera angles. I'm fine with Girl B using some of my clips because she contributed to my project after all, but Girl A didn't do a single thing. >:O She did film one scene in which I was blowing Girl B's hair with a hairdryer but she filmed it really badly, so I had to re-film it myself with the camera in one hand and the hairdryer in another.

-__- I camwhored a bit after they left to cheer myself up, but I think my makeup sort of got smudged and made me look panda-eyed.

This looks very different from my past photos - I went for a more mature/sophisticated look instead of a cutesy style. :D I've taken more photos, but this is the only one out of two that I've edited so far (the other one I uploaded as my Facebook picture, so I don't want people I know in real life to trace the picture to this blog /paranoid).

Also, half-term holiday has started, so no school for a week! Yay!