Winter Depression

I swear that during the winter holidays every year, I've been going through these phases of depression - I just feel like everything is pointless and dreary. Maybe I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.

I can't believe I wasted a week doing nothing at all. =_= I could've done so much work on my art. Tomorrow (yes, Christmas day) is when I officially begin to start studying, according to my revision schedule. I still haven't finish my art coursework yet. Everything is due in by mid-February, to be handed in for a real GCSE grade. If I fail to do this, I will get a low grade which would result in my ambition to become an architect, my future and my life to be completely destroyed. Two months may sound like a lot of time to do a crapload of drawings, evaluations and research, but I have January completely occupied with exams.

But now that I'm typing this and thinking it all through, I think maybe I don't need to be as stressed as I'm feeling right now. I have a week of holiday right before the deadline, so maybe if I worked really hard during that time, I could hopefully finish everything.

There's seriously so much to learn for Latin though. I have to memorise up to 40 pages of translations and learn hundreds of Latin words. But I've already learnt the words throughout the year so it won't be as bad compared to the people who have been cheating on the weekly vocabulary tests. I just need to get a grip on the grammar and breeze over a couple of words I'm not too sure about.

Brainstorming all the work I need to do in a blog is pretty helpful, actually. I feel like I have a lot less to do - minus all of the learning and memorising, of course!

I better go to sleep now. It is already around 2 AM. Since I probably won't be blogging tomorrow, Merry Christmas to anyone who's reading this! c:

Christmas Spirit

Today was the last day of school before the winter holidays. For me, Christmas is already over; my family doesn't really celebrate Christmas. Not the last couple of years, anyway. I think I've lost my Christmas spirit. In the past, I used to get really excited and just have this warm, happy feeling inside. But now, I just feel stressed and a bit dejected.

I got some presents from my friends and my Secret Santa and they were alright, I guess (I won't complain). I did give them expensive branded pens despite the fact that my family is trying to save money, so I feel a little... 'cheated'? I'm not sure if that's the right word to use. Is it normal to feel this way or am I just plain selfish?

But still, even though the presents I got wasn't as amazing as I had wished for (and someone didn't give me back a present :'c), I was very happy with the few sincere "thank you"s I got from some of my friends. A couple of Christmas cards I received also made me smile because some people dedicated the card to me personally, so instead of just a "Merry Christmas!", they drew a cute and small picture of a cat and wrote a "meow". It's nice to know that some people care about you as a person, even if they hadn't given you a present. <3

One of my classmates left today to go and study in Japan. She was the Japanese girl whom I've talked to about Japanese dramas before. She's a pretty nice person, unlike the other girls in my school who spread rumours, so I was a bit sad that she's leaving before we could potentially form a friendship. I almost cried a couple of times, but I'm glad I didn't because more people would probably badmouth me for crying (I might just be being paranoid here though).

I contributed a little message to her in a book that someone organised with a lot of photographs and other goodbye messages inside it. I wrote something along the lines of "頑張って (gambatte)", which basically means "good luck".

So yeah, that basically sums up my day. It was also my mom's birthday today. c:

My dad is weird

It's been a while since I've last blogged!
(And what the heck was with the advertisements from random people in my previous post?)

I really don't have much to say, but I'm glad it's Friday. I probably won't be blogging much even after my school breaks up for Christmas because of very very important exams in January. If I don't do well, it could cost me a place at a good university and even a place in my future career. :c

~

Oh and the other day, my dad was asking me if I knew how to pour myself some water if I get thirsty and if I knew how to close the door when I go to the toilet. What the hell? The questions were so stupid that I was really tempted to swear incredulously. Where has he been for the last 11 years of my life? I'm seriously not kidding; he wasn't joking as far as I can tell. Even 3-year-olds know how to close a door. You push it. That's it. Even cats and dogs can do that.

I really think that something's wrong with my dad's mental health. My mom and my brother find him really odd as well, and we could just never understand the way he thinks. He tells me not to use the touchpad on my laptop because it would sand my fingers somehow.

My dad is also very narrow-minded. Whenever I disagree with him (that's without snapping and with reasonable explanations of what I think), he accuses me of disobeying everything he says. I only listen to things that I think are right. For example, if someone tells me to jump off a cliff, I wouldn't do it even if it was someone I respected ordering me to (who would, anyway? Unless they're suicidal). He overreacts over the most trivial, stupidest things.

Just this morning, I sneezed quietly and my dad started telling me to sneeze with my mouth open. I calmly said that I didn't want to because it hurts for me when the force of your sneeze hits the back of your throat, but he refused to even listen. Sneezing has nothing to do with your mouth anyway... I've been sneezing quietly for almost half of my life now and so far, I'm completely fine and normal. So what's wrong with sneezing the way I do? Absolutely nothing. I feel stupid just typing this, because that's how stupid this whole thing is.

School updates, and a male me? :D

My self-portrait is finished, but it looks pretty mediocre compared to some other people's. For some reason, I'm getting the feeling that some people are copying me...? I'm painting a photograph of myself making a surprised expression with widened eyes in black and white, and I saw two other people also painting in black and white and their photo was also a surprised face with widened eyes. One of them even painted an eye-shadow-like wing going upwards that was exactly like in my painting's.

I know that 'surprised' isn't an original expression, but did they just have to use the same colour palette as mine? When I look at the self-portraits from last year's art students, only one of them was black and white so I thought that my canvas would stand out more if I did that too. Guess not.

...Or maybe I'm just being too paranoid. :x I had to hand in my artbook yesterday and I haven't finished all of the research and paintings I'm supposed to do. I'm probably going to get a C for it. My fault for not being organised. D:

I should probably blog about something more interesting, but nothing much has happened lately.

I did make a new friend though! :D We started bonding much more after finding out that we both play on the same website - TinierMe. I really like talking to her; I feel like I can be myself and say whatever I want to.

I have another friend on Skype and while it makes me smile to be around her, I feel a bit restricted somehow - as if I have to keep up to certain expectations. I'm not sure why I feel this way.

-

Anyway! On a side note, I photoshopped a picture of myself into a guy a few months ago. :D I've only decided to upload the photo here now because I think my blog would look better with more pictures.

And yes, I know that the picture's tiny; it would look really fake if I made it any bigger. xD The hair is done by tying my own hair up into a ponytail and edited out on Photoshop, and then I drew the rest. (<-- I think the sentence structure here is an epic fail, but I'm not sure how to reword it to make it sound better. *noob*)

The photo is actually from back when I used to edit my pictures like crazy soejr;poweijr, so that's why the eyes look a bit strange (but my pose was so guy-ish here that I just had to choose this one).

All in all, I think I could pass as a girly guy. = w = b

Back in School

So half-term holiday has ended, and I'm now back in school. Not much happened, really, but I feel like blogging.

I broke the skin of my lips yesterday so it hurts to smile. D: I can just imagine the cut on my lips being ripped and stretched apart even more. *cringe*

In art, we're painting self-portraits of ourselves on canvases. It's really fun! I think I'm doing a decent job with my painting so far, and lots of people said that it was amazing. It makes me happy~! ≧ω≦ I'm ahead of everyone so far because a lot of them took a looong time doing the gridding since we were scaling up photographs of ourselves onto a large canvas. A lot of people's drawings turned out to look disproportional and off.

My secret to painting is that I don't follow grids and draw what I see instead. I believe in looking at a whole picture instead of tiny little details. As long as the whole thing looks right, it doesn't matter if your hand is drawn higher than it should be, etc. I always make my paintbrushes rather dry in order to blend the colours well by sweeping it back and forth really quickly - like applying powder onto your face. This is only suitable for painting a large area though. /end artistic rambling

Anyway, I'll see if I can upload a photo of my painting when I've finished it. c:

I also got the results of my Latin test back today and I got 92.5%, which is alright, I guess.

I'm going to rub garlic juice on my face later to get rid of an acne outbreak I have (stupid exams and essays!). It works pretty well! Even though it burns a bit when you put it on, it's tolerable - especially when you know you're improving your looks. Seriously, clear skin makes a huge difference to your appearance.

I was going to write about something more interesting, but I can't remember. Oh well, guess I'll just end here.