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I’m hating classics again because one of my teachers (I have two teachers for classics - one male, one female) patronised me yesterday, ugh. She told the class to discuss in pairs who Agamemnon is. My partner and I both knew that he was killed by his wife Clytemnestra and that he has a son called Orestes. The teacher then asked my partner what I had said.
Partner: He was killed by Clytemnestra.
Teacher: -super surprised face- Wooow! Anne said that?
Note: if you take classical civilisation and studied the Odyssey (or even if you’ve just watched a movie about the Trojan war), knowing that Agamemnon was killed by Clytemnestra is probably one of the most basic things you can possibly remember. If the teacher didn’t consider it as basic knowledge, then fair enough, but she specifically said my name, as if she’s only surprised because I knew that.
I’d love to get an A* by the end of this course just to see that look of surprise and utter disbelief on her face. Hell, this is the reason why I wanted to apply to Cambridge (other than how awesome the place looks and its prestigious reputation). If I happened to be offered a place there somehow, imagine the reactions of the people who thought I’m just a dumb quiet girl with no ambition or opinions of my own. I’d laugh right in their faces. Imagine how satisfying that would feel.
Not gonna apply to Cambridge anymore though since I’m pretty sure I failed physics really hard, lol. I don’t want to apply to any universities that require interviews because I’m terrible at those. It’s not even worth bothering to try. There’s one uni in London that I’m actually interested in, but they require interviews so there’s practically an almost-zero chance of me getting a place there. Plus if I’m gonna apply for a uni I most likely wouldn’t get in, I might as well go for Cambridge.
I’m wishing that I chose to study psychology instead of classics again. I might be going through a phase or something since I occasionally wish I was studying medicine, law, etc., but I think I may actually have a genuine interest in psychology, rather than the “Hey, it’d be cool to save lives”, “I’m pretty good at being unopinionated and adapting my mindset to argue for whatever cause I’m told to argue for” and “I’m pretty decent at art and maths so I’ll do architecture” attitude I’ve had. I love hearing what people think. I love learning why people think the way they do. I love thinking about how events in someone’s life may have re-shaped their personalities into who they are now.
I do like architecture based on the work experience I’ve done. Tracing cross-sectional views of buildings, rendering them on Photoshop and creating models of them on CAD were all super fun. I could spend hours and hours without a single break just perfecting every detail. The company director even said that the standard of the work I produced matched that of the full-fledged architects there. But I don’t feel… interested. I don’t feel the same fascination I feel when I read about how the human mind works.
Though I guess it’s still a good thing that I chose architecture in the end, since half the universities don’t interview architecture applicants. I don’t know about psychology, but there’d probably be a heavy emphasis on interviewing. I mean, if you want to be a psychologist, you’ve got to be able to talk to people comfortably, right?
Oh well. Nothing I can do about it anymore. Maybe psychology can just be a pastime of mine rather than a career. That doesn’t sound too bad anyway.
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On an unrelated note, I'll probably be talking about my relationship a lot here because I can't ramble about it on Tumblr since bf knows my Tumblr, lol. Still feels kind of strange referring to him as a boyfriend. I'm still not too used to the idea.
I've been feeling kind of down, actually. I haven't had a proper one-to-one Skype call with him for a few days. He's probably super busy because he's a very friend-oriented person, but even our text conversations seemed to have slowed down. Or maybe I'm not actually feeling upset. I just feel... normal. Like how I usually felt before I started liking him. Talking to him on Skype has been the highlight of my day for a few weeks and now that we haven't talked for a while, I guess the happy/giddy feeling sort of died down. I haven't smiled to myself before falling asleep the last few days. He said we'd talk today but he just texted me that he'll be going to a friend's house and won't be back until 11 PM. I have to go to sleep by midnight, so that leaves us very little time. And I have an exam on Thursday so I can't go on Skype tomorrow either. :c
Before we started dating, he said that a girlfriend would always take number one priority over his friends, haha. I'm starting to question it though. I'm not angry at him or anything - I just like feeling special and important, I guess. It's funny because the reason why I said I had so much to do today in the above post from Tumblr is because I wanted to finish everything by 9:30 PM, which is the usual time he comes home from work (internship), so I can talk to him until midnight. I skipped taking a nap so I can do my maths revision in time. I guess I'm ahead of schedule now. Hm. .-.
This is why I don't want to become too emotionally-attached to anyone. This is why I'm afraid of relationships. I want to be able to be completely fine on my own even when the person's gone. I'm doing okay so far, but I hope I don't get any more attached to him. I don't want to become one of those jealous, insecure girlfriends and start bitching at him for not talking to me enough. I need to respect his space too, and in order to do that, I need to focus on being emotionally independent and strictly set a distance.
