I feel so lonely.

For some reason, the friends I used to talk to don't talk to me as much anymore.

You know the friend I've mentioned before whom I added on Skype? She's the same person as Girl B in this entry. For some reason she isn't talking to me as much anymore. I helped her out with another girl's art project at school Tuesday morning, but as soon as the girl came in to school, she ran off to her like a little puppy and clung to her side. Then the teacher asked me to help with something else and I had no idea how and I needed someone to help me, and she didn't even offer to help and just left with the girl. I thought she was a good friend. Even though I made a Facebook post saying that I was going through a hard time, she didn't ask me if I was okay or anything. I never see her on Skype anymore and whenever we do talk online, she'd say "brb" and go offline for the rest of the day.

And there's also the friend I went on Omegle with from this entry. She's also not talking to me as much anymore. She didn't ask if I was okay when I posted that status on Facebook either. I don't blame her as much because we've met fairly recently so maybe she felt that she shouldn't pry into my personal life.

In the end, the people who cared about me were the people whom I thought were fake friends. The day the incident happened, I e-mailed my 'best friend' and she asked if my mom was okay. She told me to not think about it and to focus on revision because we had an exam the next day. She's still sending me e-mails and talking to me, which makes me really happy because it feels like she's trying to be there for me, even though she's told me before that she doesn't know how to comfort people. Even the girl who spread rumours about me a few years ago was the first to ask me if I was okay. Today she messaged me on Facebook to ask me how I am. Even my best friend from primary school who I haven't spoken to in years asked me if I was alright, and I used to think she was annoying because she'd always be jealous whenever I talked to other people.

All the people who I thought were nice turned out to be unreliable. All the people who I thought couldn't be trusted turned out to be the most caring. Everything's a bit messed up right now. I feel guilty for thinking so badly of them before. I'm so bad at judging people and I feel like such a jerk.

If any of you somehow found my blog and are reading this, I'm sorry for misjudging you and for all the bad things I've said about you in the past. D:

I don't know why but...

I kind of miss my dad. I miss how he was before he became all fawked up in the head. He didn't used to be like this. He still often argued with my mom in the past over money problems, but he never did anything that could seriously hurt the family.

He got worse and worse after we moved to our new flat by the river around 2-3 years ago. That's around the same time when he started having an affair with another woman. Maybe the woman gave him some kind of an STD that made him all messed up? :\

Or maybe he could no longer make an effort to pretend to be a good person in front of me and my brother. My mom has told me stories of how badly he had treated her before. He accused my mom of causing his own father's death before me and my brother were born. Maybe he's always been like this and it's just that I never realised.

Either way, I'm not letting him come back unless he has changed himself completely. Actually, even if he changed and begged to come back, I still don't think I'd let him.

I'll miss the person he used to be and forever hate the person he became. Because they are two different people.

//feeling down in the dumps

This is what happened.

Although someone bailed my dad out, he is not allowed to contact me, my mom or my brother. Not even through e-mails, text, phone calls, etc.

I really love England now. I used to really dislike living here because everything is so expensive and there are some people who aren't very nice to me at school. I've even encountered some people who seemed racist.

After my brother first called the police, they arrived within 10 minutes, investigated everything thoroughly and took appropriate actions (ie. taking my dad to the police station and setting restrictions). I've always heard stories about how the police is corrupted, how they don't do their job properly, and how they take hours to arrive at the crime scene. I guess you really can't judge something based on the media.

The police officers were really nice and understanding. When they asked me questions and I was speaking really quietly, they didn't act exasperated and they didn't cut me off while I was in the middle of talking.

I told the school about what had happened because I had an exam the day after the incident. I wanted to miss the exam because I was worried that my dad might come back and I wouldn't be able to concentrate, but then a teacher suggested to give it a go (I didn't do very well though because I didn't revise at all the day before). They got two teachers to speak to me and they arranged a legal advice-giving authority to contact my mom so that they can discuss what they can do next.

When the incident first happened, I made a Facebook post after the police left, explaining what happened while swearing aggressively. xD I then deleted it when my friend said she's worried about the reactions I'd get, but one of my cousins (from my dad's side) saw it and private messaged me.

At first I thought he was concerned about what happened, but I think my aunts (from dad's side) made him say stupid shit like "the family is in great pain because your father was sent to the police by his own son" and threatening that "second aunt won't forgive you or your brother if you don't help him". Um, did it occur to them that I don't give a shit? Why the fuck would I want to help someone who almost killed my mom?

Even though it's been three days since the incident, the left side of my mom's face is still swollen and completely covered in purple and black blotches. We noticed that there was a huge purple bruise on my mom's left temple. If you hit someone in the temples hard enough, they will die. My mom even said that the shithead wasn't holding back at all. Luckily, the fucktard's aim wasn't very accurate otherwise she would've died.

I replied to my cousin with a long message:

My mom, my brother and I are already on our own. Just because he used to earn income for the family doesn't give him the right to behave the way he did. There is no excuse for violence, regardless of how angry someone is.

I already can't forgive myself for not calling the police last year and for not coming home earlier today, so I don't think another person who doesn't forgive me would make a difference.

It was my dad's own choice to hit my mom and he can take responsibility for his actions. I do not see why me and my brother should clear up after his own mess, especially when what he has done had hurt my mom, and especially since he refuses to change his behavior and attitude.

He can call his friends himself if he wants to be bailed out. It would be better for him if he explained what happened to his friends in his own words anyway. He has always been accusing my mom of saying bad things about him to his friends, so if my mom contacted any of his friends, my dad would only get angry.

Sorry if I'm being rude but that's how I really feel.

Even if my brother, my mom or I tried to help him, the police would consider our safety above anything else. There is nothing that can be done. The rest is up to my dad and how he behaves.

Apparently he sent what I wrote to my aunts and they sent me e-mails to my personal e-mail address. Guess what 90% of the content was about? MONEY MONEY MONEY. Even though I never mentioned anything about money, they were throwing these words into my face. They didn't even read what I wrote and spewed some shit about how pitiful my dad is, how we should appreciate him, how everything is my mom's fault, blahblahblah more shit. They kept lecturing how we shouldn't swear at my dad while taking his money at the same time. Wtf I don't even want to touch his money. Gross. Besides, like I had said to them, "just because he used to earn income for the family doesn't give him the right to behave the way he did". Fucking idiots can't read.

One of my aunts even tried to entice me and my brother by saying that she would help pay our college tuition fees while she was saying that everything is my mom's fault in the same e-mail. Well guess what? We don't want her dirty money.

They were even saying that my dad would never start a fight and that it must be because my mom hit him first or some shit. Oh I'm sorry but the one who was there when it happened is my brother. He knows what happened. He saw what happened. The last time I checked, my brother isn't a fat 60-year-old pig living in Asia.

I sent my uncle a reply because he was the only one who understood basic etiquette and didn't blame everything on my mom. I asked him to tell those pigs not to send anymore e-mails as they only made me hate my dad more. I also said that I will no longer be replying to them.


I think that explains mostly what happened. I might have missed out some details that I forgot to mention, but that's the basic story. I was originally going to talk about how life is so much better without my dad but I started ranting and this entry is already quite long, haha. I'll save that for a later entry.

My dad has been arrested.

He punched my mom 3-4 times in the face. My brother intervened and then he punched him too. My brother called the police and they have taken my dad away and he won't be allowed back in our flat. I was at school when this whole thing happened and I came home to find police officers in the living room.

I don't really know what to say. Thank god my brother was there. I wish I had been there so that I can beat the shit out of that fucktard.

More on this later.

Tapered eyelids + new makeup style

I've decided to give up on parallel eyelids. Less than a week ago, my right eyelid suddenly became tapered permanently so I'm not going to fight it anymore. The good thing is that I now only need to use double eyelid glue on my left eye. :D

Here's a picture I took a few days ago. I actually really like how tapered eyelids look on me now! :D

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've also changed the way I apply my eyeliner. I realised that my eyes kind of slant upwards - by that I mean the outer corner of my eyes are slightly higher than the inner corners. I haven't yet checked other people's eyes to see if this is normal but I thought maybe it's because of this that my eyes look so strange when I draw upward wings.

My eyelids are rather small, so I figured that I should stop concentrating my eyeliner on my upper eyelids, but instead on the lower eyelids. This makes your double eyelids look bigger because drawing on your upper lids makes it look thinner. I always look so creepy when I draw on my upper lids, even when it's just a thin line. This way of applying eyeliner is also good if you don't have a lot of lower eyelashes (or if they're uneven) like me.

I wish I had my eyeliner with me right now so I can demonstrate the difference between concentrating your eyeliner on your upper and lower eyelids, but it's 7 AM and I still haven't slept yet. Plus I have a bit of a head congestion and it doesn't feel very good. :x

I'm still an amateur when it comes to makeup, so don't listen to me if I'm just spewing nonsense. xD

On a random note, my mom ordered two wigs for me so I'll do a review on them when they've arrived. :D

Gosh I just realised that I haven't mentioned a single thing about my GCSE exams. I have no idea how I did. :x I'm so worried about the results of my physics though because I found the test SUPER hard and I'm hoping to take physics next year. D: Or maybe I should be an interior designer instead of an architect. I've sort of lost interest in architecture after I realised that it's so computer-based. My life would be so sad if I'm using the computer all day at work, and then using it again all day at home. My life would literally be completely computer-orientated and that wouldn't be healthy at all. x_x Besides, I really like dressing up so it would be inappropriate to go to a construction site in a frilly dress or something, lol.

I still don't know what I want to do as a career, really. I wish I could become a full-time blogger though, but then again I'm not sure if I can handle haters. :x